it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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