the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
