I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i will never coherently bang her
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
