I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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