I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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