THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
