your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What a dumb baby whore.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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