I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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