they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
