Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
