this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
