New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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