so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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