Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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