I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
