Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
