If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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