he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
