I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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