So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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