Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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