i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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