The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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