Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
