i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
