I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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