how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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