Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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