the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
