You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
