i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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