Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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