i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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