oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
