cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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