I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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