omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
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woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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