dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?