remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...