What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.