i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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