This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
