Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
