There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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