I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
