ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
