You're my little dorito
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
