When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
