his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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