Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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