3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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