do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
