Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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