My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
