I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize