I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
