That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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