This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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