normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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