Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
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We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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