Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
